kainis!...bad trip talga!...

i was waiting for you at the end of the pathwalk...i was staring at you wishing you'd stare back...but you we're busy tring to catch a glimpse of her,youi promised to talk to me that day...and i hoped that you'll do what you have told me,but what do i get i hoping?...heartache, i almost cried,maybe of hate,because of how you treat me, but i guess its not like that...coz deep inside me is telling me to hate you...to blame you for all the tears i've wasted...yes,those tears were wasted,for i cried for the wrong person... i shou'd have threw the thought of us together and instead find another who'll treat me right,who'll give back to me,the love i've showed him,who'll try to lend me his handkerchief,so i won't cry anymore,i wish i did it earlier,so i won't be found crying here just because you didn't talked to me as promised...
why are treating me like this?is it that i'm just pushing you to do something you don't like?,i just wanted to be your friend...more than that?,i'm not asking you to love me... coz i know you won't,you'll never...
i wish i haven't changed seat with a friend so i wouldn't fall for you,i wish i haven't sat beside you,so i won't be crying now...i wish i never told you that i love you so i won't be hurting now...i wish i never looked into your eyes,so i won't be hoping...hoping that you'll love me too...
oh God!,i wish i was never a fool to fall for another fool who never saw what is happening around him...how i wish i've learned to love somebody else....

wala lang..just want to write down what i really feel inside..

how come that everytime i'm alone and whenever i close my eyes the image of you is the one who never disappeared...its the times we've shared that is always on my mind...it seems that it was only yesterday,that we sat side by side,talking to each other,thinking of what might happen tomorrow or the next day. but why is it that i always find myself crying whenever i think of those times when i see you happy with her,when you wear that smile i never saw when you were with me.is it really her who makes you happy and makes your day complete?,yeah,i thought it was me...and yes you need not tell it to my face, coz it shows,it really does...
thinking of the words you said to me the other day, that pierced my heart,was really unbearable..how come you never saw me as one of those special someones,whom you treasure?,how come you only think of me as a friend,that's all,you don't even care how i'll feel,whenever you spend your time thinking of her even if your hurting..haven't you realized that she isn't the only girl in this world,for God's sake!...don't go wasting your time loving a girl who don't even treat you fair...
have you ever think of me before you sleep?..have you ever dreamt of being with me?..have you ever felt the same way i do?...have you ever thought what could have happened if you chose me,rather than her?...did it ever crossed your mind that it could have been happier if you weren't hurting this time,and instead laughing with me,as we ate our lunch together,even as bestfriends?...no,i bet you haven't even tried to waste your time on such stupid things...
but i hope as you read this,a part of you would feel guilt and sad at the same time,that for the first time you felt something for me...and finally you realized,i never left you,i never even bothered to asked you if i ever touched your life or if you ever considered me a 'friend', yes, i onced swallowed my pride and wrote to you,but i guess you were too bus to write back..busy thinking of her...

wala lang...i just want to show what's inside me..un lng...

how come that everytime i'm alone and whenever i close my eyes the image of you is the one who never disappeared...its the times we've shared that is always on my mind...it seems that it was only yesterday,that we sat side by side,talking to each other,thinking of what might happen tomorrow or the next day. but why is it that i always find myself crying whenever i think of those times when i see you happy with her,when you wear that smile i never saw when you were with me.is it really her who makes you happy and makes your day complete?,yeah,i thought it was me...and yes you need not tell it to my face, coz it shows,it really does...

thinking of the words you said to me the other day, that pierced my heart,was really unbearable..how come you never saw me as one of those special someones,whom you treasure?,how come you only think of me as a friend,that's all,you don't even care how i'll feel,whenever you spend your time thinking of her even if your hurting..haven't you realized that she isn't the only girl in this world,for God's sake!...don't go wasting your time loving a girl who don't even treat you fair...

have you ever think of me before you sleep?..have you ever dreamt of being with me?..have you ever felt the same way i do?...have you ever thought what could have happened if you chose me,rather than her?...did it ever crossed your mind that it could have been happier if you weren't hurting this time,and instead laughing with me,as we ate our lunch together,even as bestfriends?...no,i bet you haven't even tried to waste your time on such stupid things...

but i hope as you read this,a part of you would feel guilt and sad at the same time,that for the first time you felt something for me...and finally you realized,i never left you,i never even bothered to asked you if i ever touched your life or if you ever considered me a 'friend', yes, i onced swallowed my pride and wrote to you,but i guess you were too bus to write back..busy thinking of her...

ewan...ang saya ko lang...

ewan nga eh kung bakit...pero he texted me,and i felt special...bakit kaya ganun?... feeling ko kasi di na nya ko pinapahalagahan pero nung tinext nya ko bigla,feeling naging complete na ulit ako...ang hirap talaga pag may mahal ang taong mahal mo...sana iba na lang ang minahal ko para naman di ako nasasaktan...hay,i wish i didn't met him na lang...sana i met someone else na lang, para di ako nasasaktan...pero buti na lang i have many friends to run to,lalo na pag di ko na kaya... and at least he still treats me as his bestfriend its a good thing right?....

that's all,hope this would help me feel better...ciao!

bakit ba ganunn?...

bakit nga kaya ganun ang hirap ng buhay sa ngayon, magmamahal ka, di ka naman nya mamahalin... tapos ang masakit pa nun, ang mamahalin pa nya e yung kaibigan mo na walang kaalam-alam na ang taong mahal mo at ang mahal nya ay iisa? ano kayang mangyayari sa pagkakaibigan nyong dalawa? pero ako hindi yung pagmamahal ko dun sa mahal nya ang naging dahilan kung bakit kami nagkagalit-galit siguro dahil na rin sa ugali nung frend ko marami kasing bagay ang di nakukuha sa init ng ulo at siya ay sobrang init lagi ng ulo ewan ko nga kung bakit siya pa ang minahal ng mahal ko feeling ko tuloy ang baba ko para di ako ang piliin nya di ba? pero ewan ko din baka nga mas ayos pa siya kay sa sa kin bakit nga kaya hindi ako mahalin ng taong mahal ko? ang hirap talaga... kaya nga alam nyo ba binabawi ko na yung sinabi ko na namimis ko na siya..pwe...BINABAWI ko na! please....pwede magbago ka na? at kung pwede wag mo siya paasahin..or tinatago nyo lang na kayo na pala at ito ako umaasa sa wala?...sana man lang naiisip mo nararamdaman ko...

something we both need...

all humans have dreams..and yet no one has ever thought that dreams can come true sometimes....i am used to writing poems...stories...and others...
here's one: [i wrote this because of my fear of losing someone special to me..]


A Candle that never was…
I woke up feeling uneasy…I lifted my head from my favorite pillow and looked around my room and found nothing dif’rent, so I just decided to get dressed and went down to the kitchen... where I found my mom cooking with a frowning face,I thought she was angry so I helped myself with a cup of coffee,and she doesn’t seem to know I exist…And so I went out of the door slamming it at my back, “I wouldn’t wish to come back here…”…I told myself…then I realized there were many cars, but I had no time,I found myself hurrying my way to the school…There I found the whole class holding each others’ hands,and somewhat praying then at a corner I saw my worst enemy clenching his fist and then tears started it’s way through her eyes…after sometime I then saw the people I used to be with,people I consider “Barkada” then there they went pushing their way through the crowd where a Rectangular box lay.I walked slowly feeling my heart beat faster,then as I tried to take a glimpse of the inside the box, a light suddenly took my sight the next thing I know is that I was in a dark room with only a candle in my hand… “Where am I?”…then a man suddenly appeared at my back and “Do you love them?” he said, I turned my head to look but then I saw all the person whom I’ve loved including the person who had hurt me so much…they were all looking straight at me and then I realized that they were all crying…I started to think “why?”…then the man reappeared, and asked me again…“Do you love ’em?”…this time I answered “of course I do…”…then I started to cry I tried to reach for them but all I was able to reach was a candle…a candle with my name on it…again I was on a the same room…the room with the box, I stared at it for a few seconds and hurried up to look at it…as I stared at what is inside I started to cry… “it was me…even from the start…the one my classmates we’re mourning, the one my enemies being mad about…It was mee…me who died just a few days ago…then a scene started to came in my head…a girl was crossing the street…a girl familiar to me, then I saw myself chasing after her, then pushed her as I heard a scream……I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of a hug “mom…dad…sis…bro…,oh, I love you all…” then they disappeared as a candle reappeared at my hand and it’s flame flickeredONCE…TWICE…THRICE…AND IT DIED OUT…………

there are times that i wish i could see the future yet i try predicting 'em..but still my faith in God remains my most powerful weapon....

it because...

Fall…
I was weary to look out of the window, but..it felt good to see him again..and I can't help but fall in love over again…It was almost end of another year, and it made me feel free! For after a long sacrifice, I'm going to graduate college…Whew! I never thought I could get this far, thinking of the past, I now felt uneasy, if anyone would tell me love is not forever.. well, I prove you wrong! Know why?, because it stayed here..here in my heart even if he's far..far from my side..and then I started to cry… I lay in my bed, staring blankly up the ceiling, clenching a letter in my chest, near my heart. A letter I received way back my highschool years. Well that was one hell of an experience. I met this guy, he was totally hot!, actually he was my long lost childhood friend, that I knew after I let him go. I closed my eyes refreshing those happy moments that happened before.… The bell rang… I stood up, fixed my things and hurried off for my Math class. As I walk out a guy ran into me… I stared at him for a minute and suddenly smiled, "oh, hi nick!" I uttered, he smiled back, he held my hand and pulled me, "wait! Where are we going?" I asked, he didn't answered, "Nick! I still have my Math class!" a still said, but he kept pulling me… until we reached a deserted at the third floor… he opened the door with the other covering my eyes… he dragged me in and took away his hands, he held my hand and escorted me, I was amaze, speechless.. couldn't utter any word, there was a table at the center with two chairs, a candle lighted, two plates of, well, he wasn't fond of cooking so it was a food bought.. and the room looked dark with the windows covered, up the wall were stars, made of plastic… "oh,Nick…I…don't know what to say.." I tried to say, but he embraced me tight and whispered something in my ear,words I longed to hear, "Irene..i love you..".. then he helped me sit and we stayed for about an hour… we even lied down on the floor looking up the ceiling, pretending it's already night fall.. "sorry, I can't afford a real star.." he said smiling.. I just smiled back and went closer to kiss him on the cheek.. after talking about our future plans.. he suddenly turned serious.. "Irene..I want to confess" he started, I looked at him feeling uneasy "w..what about?..tell me then.." I said, trying to be firm.. he cleared his throat and started.. "tonight.. I mean, I didn't afford..well..a real dinner, 'coz I'm.." he stopped and closed his eyes. I then started to think why -- "Irene, I'm going to the states.. tonight's my flight.. I'm sorry.." he finally said..the corners of my eyes were suddenly full of tears, I blink and gave way.. "oh, please Irene, don't cry, I don't want to leave you like this.. oh, Irene, please do remember that I shall love you forever…" he uttered, wrapping his arms around me, he hugged me for several minutes and then released me.. he made me stare into his black, round eyes.. "I love you.. Irene.. " he said, I frowned and said "if I say I do love you, would you come back?..", "oh, yes! yes, I will!".. that's the final words I heard from him.. he never wrote.. no phone calls.. I started to feel incomplete.. often, I tried to find someone who could fill up the emptiness I got from him.. but no.. no one was ever qualified in my heart than him.. he was the only one, the only one I have given my heart to… Here I stand, staring blankly up the ceiling again still have the last letter I received… "gosh! I have again let my mind float into the past!" I uttered angrily.. I stood up and that day I tried to find a job.. while wandering in the busy streets of Manila, a car suddenly came to a halt, almost hitting me.. "hey!" I shouted but the driver only shouted back at me.. I thundered out of the way, and accidentally glancing back to see who was in the passenger seat.. I was stopped, -- "that.. that man, I think I know him… -- I thought .. that night I can't sleep, and everyday while walking I was wishing to see again that car , to assure myself who it was.. for weeks I have hoped to see it… but I gave up! And found myself a job in a big, well-known company.. well, at first I had encountered several situations and have to adjust.. and now a big day.. I have to impress my managers, I prepared, and as I walked in.. "hello,.. good morning!" I greeted.. at middle of my introduction, the door burst open, "sorry.. got up late from bed.." the guy said upon entering the room.. he seated at the empty chair, and looked up to me and.. my world seemed to stop.. it was him.. the one I have been missing, "N..Nick?!" I exclaimed, he smiled and said, "oh hello Irene!, so.. you're the one the superintendent was buzzling about! I should've known.." he said giving me a big smile.. I resumed in my report but I would stop whenever I'll glance at him and see him smiling.. after the report, he offered me lunch, I can't stop myself but to think of the last dinner we had.. but my dreaming was stopped by one of his questions, "so.. have any boyfriend?", I blushed and quietly continued eating, he laughed hard.. "hey! It's not funny!.." I shouted at him and I began to cry, I heard him stood up and put his hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry ok?.." he said, I stopped and wiped away the tears "oh, Irene you're still a cry-baby!" he suddenly said, I raised an eyebrow, "oh yeah?.." I said, and stood up and tried to get out, but he reached for my hand, "sorry.. c'mon I'll take you home.." ..that day was one of the happiest day of my life.. but soon after, I learned about his girlfriend, and again I was heartbroken, I would avoid his eyes whenever we see each other, and I would seat apart from him on lunch meetings.. one day he came up to me and asked me why- but before I could answer, a girl pulled him away from me.. he wrote me a letter telling me what had happened but I was too hurt to write back.. then it was already past midnight and I was still up.. just then I heard stones being thrown at my window.. I was too weary to look out, but I was dragged by curiosity.. as I looked out, a stone hit my forehead, and as I opened my mouth to shout, words fail to come out when my eyes fell to the person throwing the stones… it was him! The one who broke my heart.. the one I had loved for so long.. the one who forgot.. "what are you doing here?" I asked.. "just wanted to see if my star had already fallen asleep.." he replied, "oh, you mean your girlfriend?!" I said, he smiled and said "so.. you're jealous?.. ha! I should've known it!.." he said giving out a slow laugh.. I grinned at him and closed the window.. but just then, the rain started to fall and I heard him shout, " Irene! I have no girlfriends!.. it's only you I love!" he said "and I promised to come back for you! And here I am! I love you, Irene!" he continued.. Inside, tears started to roll freely from my eyes and I uttered silently to myself.. "oh,Nick… I have never fallen out of love with you.." I said and paused for a minute to wipe away my tears and smiled… "and honestly! I'm falling in love with you over and over again!....

a poem for you and me...ay para lang pala sa akin...

It was me...

Why can’t it be me?...
You run to, when you’re in tears…
When you needed someone to lean on ,
You never tried to ask me,
So really, why can’t it be me?...
Everyone had asked what happened,
When I tried to ask,
You turned your back and left…
My heart started to cry,
That almost broke my chest.
So please tell me, can it be me?
Your friend came to me,
Asking me to set you free…
My jaw drop and I wasn’t fine,
I was asking myself why ?
Why me ? you’re not mine anyway.
Then, I started to cry,
As I remember how I’d try…
Try to make you smile,
By doing things, that was a crime…
Crime, of breaking your heart,
And now,I can say…
“hey!.. It was me! …”


>>>a poem i made to make me remember that once in my life i have been the cause of someone's heartbreak...